Always with me

The past is the present too.
She is in me, a part of me.
She will never leave, even when she dies.
No one can take her away. I don't have to guard her to keep her close.
I don't have to be careful and I don't have to be afraid.
It doesn't matter what the people think about what was said and done, or what I'm writing here.

She is in my cells. She is in my blood.

I don't have to carry a leash. Or a sign.
I don't need her emblazoned on my T-shirt
or tattooed on my skin.
because she's already here.

And I am in her.
Always.
I go with her, even when I stay home.

Its quite wonderful!

(Photo by Jodi Darling)

Saying goodbye

You knew it would come to this.
When you got that fluffy 8-week old little imp, this day was already written.
It was part of the deal. You promised that lively fluffy silly fellow, that you would do this hard thing, that you would make sure the last minutes were as good as the first minutes.

It's been hanging there for fourteen years, this thing.
Pray that you choose the right time, the right day.

Do you wait until the good days are gone?
Try to guess when it IS the last good day.

It is not easy.
You will gamble.

Talk  to your God.
Talk to your dog.
Dont be fanciful. Do not entertain falsehoods. This is real life, not some fucking slogan.
Be brave and do your best. If you err , a day short, or a day too long....(and I believe I have erred, I think,  in both directions, but mostly , by not deciding soon enough.)
 KNOW that your dog will forgive you, if you don't choose exactly right. He knows why. and he understands.

Please be grateful, Very grateful that you, and you alone  have this awful choice.
And be thankful, SO very thankful, that he was yours, from the beginning to the end.
and that you got the chance to say good bye.

An old friend remembers.

How many years has it been?
7. Maybe. More or less . 7 is close.
7 years  ago I gave a good dog away. But I did it well.

Zeke  went to live with a co-worker, when I determined that he would not make an open  trial dog for me.
But Damn. Zeke and me had some good times on the pro-novice field.

When I became more ambitious in the sport  of sheepdog trialling, Zeke went to live with a co-worker of mine. It seemed like a good deal for him : 2 masters, a lot of sheep to work , and no one bothering him with the pressure of competition.

Years and years pass.

I saw Zeke this week. He was at the place I work, for a vet-check, to update his anti-inflammatory s. Zeke is old now. His face is grey. His body is thick.

I would,nt have known him.
 I.     Would.     not.      have.      known.      him...

But he knew  me .
Clearly.